So... it's late, but that seems to be when I feel inspired to write, not that I've been inspired much lately. I know, on an intellectual level, that writing is something you need to do often to do well, that if I really want to ever write something good, I should start practicing now. But knowing that and putting it into practice are two very different things. I somehow manage to put off writing in favor of doing other things nine times out of ten. That's disappointing, since I feel like I have a lot to say; instead of writing it down, however, I just let it swirl around in my head until it dissipates.

I'm jealous of people who have done things, I often feel like I'm doing things only to find that there are others who have done so much more than me. The arrogance of youth is so hard to maintain in the face of limited accomplishments, but I manage somehow.

I truly believe that it is impossible to be confident without being arrogant. You really have to believe in your own exceptionalism to be a confident person, because otherwise how can you justify your existence? I mean, everyone exists, and if you're not different, or special, then what's the point? I am firmly convinced that I am the best at being me, but that doesn't mean much does it...

I sometimes forget that I'm only 22, and that it's OK that I still live at home, especially because I didn't pick a moneymaker as a career. I want to write, I want to work on documentary films, I don't want to act (which a lady that I found very obnoxious asked me when I said I wanted to do documentaries). Why would I want to act? I think life is very interesting, I feel no compulsion to escape from it to some other life. 

I was talking with a girl the other night who works as a trader for Morgan Stanley. A few things she said really struck me. First of all, what she does is incredibly easy, compared to most other comparisons, since she can show, at the end of the day, how much money she made for Morgan Stanley. She told me a story about how there's a really backlogged IT department, because the budget isn't big enough and they don't hire enough people. She said it's harder to see sometimes, what an IT guy (keep in mind that all trading is done electronically now) brings in for the company compared to what a trader brings in, because a trader has made X amount of dollars at the end of the day.

It seems to me that this viewpoint lacks imagination. She's absolutely right, but it's the only business in the world (except, maybe, sales) where the amount of cash a person brings in is directly accessible. Value is much harder to define than that in most cases.

It also struck me because it seems to be a metaphor for America, these days. Since all trading is done electronically, IT people are essential to maintain the infrastructure in which the traders work. Without the computers, a functioning network, and the software, there would be no way for the traders to do their jobs. They forget about that, though, in the heat of the moment, and eventually convince themselves that the computers are just there, that they maintain and update themselves, and that they have always been there. 

We haven't been taking care of infrastructure in America, we have taken it for granted. The roads, the schools, the things that make our society function. It's easy to see why. An IT guy, in the example of Morgan Stanley, is a long term investment, you pay him because of the problems he'll avoid, or help you fix down the road. A trader is a quick and dirty short term investment, you know that you can find a trader who will bring in x amount of dollars tomorrow, especially in this economy. We've been doing the same thing with government in this country. We've accepted tax breaks while real wages fell and housing prices inflated. We have invested in wars, but not alternative energy, we have created an H1-B program that allows us to invest in foreigners, but we've completely removed the claws from our schools, and prevented our children from competing intellectually on a global scale. 

I don't know if Obama will change it, a lot of these things are hard truths to learn, so we'll see if things get changed around while he's in office. 

This one and the previous one are both older pictures that I was just really pleased with. They also didn't require resaving as Jpegs or smaller bmp files to post, so that's why they're here.

Here is the east side from 86th street. We are looking downtown. 

Here is a random picture of my backyard. I like how the shadows came out though. 

Late at night

So unfortunately, it is very late so I will keep this brief. Colin Powell's recent endorsement of Barack Obama really meant a lot to me, not because of his political endorsement itself, but because of how he said it. He mentioned the anger and hate preached by the McCain campaign, the anger fostered by both sides in this presidential debate, and the further extremism we have seen on the right in the United States. 

I honestly do believe that this country is more polarized now than it has been since the Civil War. The Vietnam Era here in the U.S. was obviously filled with strife and anger, but it was vented, the outrage was expressed through protests, shootings, and other such things. Instead now we see a similar situation to the lead up to the Civil War where a series of compromises are cobbled together to suppress the anger without really addressing the fundamental differences in society. Because these divisions keep deepening, we are in danger of creating a situation where a single spark could ignite a civil war, an ethnic cleansing, and extreme violence. I don't know who is to blame for getting us here, divisive political campaigns have certainly played a role, it benefits the winner, but it truly polarizes the nation and prevents true understanding.

There is no single divisive issue as there was in the Civil War, but there are echoes of the same sort of extremism on both sides. People are defending a way of life, whether it be small town values, which are apparently better than the values I hold as an individual, or liberalism, so-called "secular humanism." I personally feel that inflammatory evangelical christian preachers have a lot to do with our current crisis, but I doubt that is fair or completely accurate. I think we have all contributed. People have fundamentally failed to see themselves in others, instead they have defined others against themselves in an effort to establish themselves as better, more right. 

I don't necessarily know what to do about this either, politicians really hold few answers. Even Barack Obama, who I truly believe will be an amazing president in this time of crisis, cannot possibly fix things. He can perhaps put salve on the wounds that have been opened up, but there can be no healing until each side acknowledges its wrong doings and decides to contribute to a better tomorrow. 

That said, I am looking forward to this election being finished, either way, I am sick of the political showboating. 

DC roadtrip

So, I’m on my way to DC with two friends, it is currently 930 at night, and we just got on the road. It’ll be a long night, but whatever, as a young college graduate I have the energy for that, where others would not. In addition, we are arguing about music, which is not unusual for this crowd. I will report on people watching as I do it in DC. I brought my camera, so it should be an interesting weekend.

 

On a side note, I want to talk for a second about stories. I think that stories can be the most compelling things people experience. Obviously others agree with me as well, given the success of the movie industry and publishing.

At the same time, I think it’s important to realize that stories lose their meaning when they are told too many times. I used to think that this was because they simply lost detail, or lost something in the telling, but I don’t know that that is really true. It might be that they simply lose some of their meaning in a true form. When everyone thinks they know the meaning, they are less inclined to examine the story for true relevance. Take for instance the bible. It’s full of depth and meaning, but everyone already thinks they know what it means, when in reality they totally have it wrong. I think it is hard for a story to keep its meaning through so many retellings, and reinterpretations. It also doesn’t help that people are constantly told what the bible means, and not left to interpret it for themselves, but that’s another story.

It’s a shame that stories lose their meaning, but I think it’s the driving force behind human creativity as well. People are really always telling the same stories, but their ability to find new ways to tell them is quite extraordinary. A tweak here, a different character there, and you have a completely new experience unfolding in front of you.

Storytelling has evolved pretty dramatically over the years, but I think people often fail to make the connection between modern story-tellers and those in the past. Movies and books are our modern forms of stories, instead of just one man retelling events, or a group of actors re enacting an event, we now have an entire ensemble of actors, directors, writers, and special effects gurus working to create something worth showing to thousands of people.

Storytelling has also become quite a profitable industry, people literally make millions, and create fame for themselves, by acting in stories, or directing them. That’s impressive, but the monetization of storytelling does remove some of its meaning, I think.