So... it's late, but that seems to be when I feel inspired to write, not that I've been inspired much lately. I know, on an intellectual level, that writing is something you need to do often to do well, that if I really want to ever write something good, I should start practicing now. But knowing that and putting it into practice are two very different things. I somehow manage to put off writing in favor of doing other things nine times out of ten. That's disappointing, since I feel like I have a lot to say; instead of writing it down, however, I just let it swirl around in my head until it dissipates.

I'm jealous of people who have done things, I often feel like I'm doing things only to find that there are others who have done so much more than me. The arrogance of youth is so hard to maintain in the face of limited accomplishments, but I manage somehow.

I truly believe that it is impossible to be confident without being arrogant. You really have to believe in your own exceptionalism to be a confident person, because otherwise how can you justify your existence? I mean, everyone exists, and if you're not different, or special, then what's the point? I am firmly convinced that I am the best at being me, but that doesn't mean much does it...

I sometimes forget that I'm only 22, and that it's OK that I still live at home, especially because I didn't pick a moneymaker as a career. I want to write, I want to work on documentary films, I don't want to act (which a lady that I found very obnoxious asked me when I said I wanted to do documentaries). Why would I want to act? I think life is very interesting, I feel no compulsion to escape from it to some other life. 

I was talking with a girl the other night who works as a trader for Morgan Stanley. A few things she said really struck me. First of all, what she does is incredibly easy, compared to most other comparisons, since she can show, at the end of the day, how much money she made for Morgan Stanley. She told me a story about how there's a really backlogged IT department, because the budget isn't big enough and they don't hire enough people. She said it's harder to see sometimes, what an IT guy (keep in mind that all trading is done electronically now) brings in for the company compared to what a trader brings in, because a trader has made X amount of dollars at the end of the day.

It seems to me that this viewpoint lacks imagination. She's absolutely right, but it's the only business in the world (except, maybe, sales) where the amount of cash a person brings in is directly accessible. Value is much harder to define than that in most cases.

It also struck me because it seems to be a metaphor for America, these days. Since all trading is done electronically, IT people are essential to maintain the infrastructure in which the traders work. Without the computers, a functioning network, and the software, there would be no way for the traders to do their jobs. They forget about that, though, in the heat of the moment, and eventually convince themselves that the computers are just there, that they maintain and update themselves, and that they have always been there. 

We haven't been taking care of infrastructure in America, we have taken it for granted. The roads, the schools, the things that make our society function. It's easy to see why. An IT guy, in the example of Morgan Stanley, is a long term investment, you pay him because of the problems he'll avoid, or help you fix down the road. A trader is a quick and dirty short term investment, you know that you can find a trader who will bring in x amount of dollars tomorrow, especially in this economy. We've been doing the same thing with government in this country. We've accepted tax breaks while real wages fell and housing prices inflated. We have invested in wars, but not alternative energy, we have created an H1-B program that allows us to invest in foreigners, but we've completely removed the claws from our schools, and prevented our children from competing intellectually on a global scale. 

I don't know if Obama will change it, a lot of these things are hard truths to learn, so we'll see if things get changed around while he's in office.